


Run and Hide, Stand and Fight

by Marsipaani



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Trans Character, Coming of Age, Gen, Nen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 20:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5884267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsipaani/pseuds/Marsipaani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alluka is not the helpless little girl she was when Killua rescued her from Kukuroo mountain, and she's fed up with his overprotectiveness. She decides to take the Hunter's exam to prove her brother she doesn't need to be babied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Runaways

**Author's Note:**

> Ok first of all I wasn't supposed to start a new fic... especially not a new multichaptered one, and especially not to a new fandom but I just couldn't help myself, ok?
> 
> I'm three chapters in writing this and although my track record of finishing fics is kinda bad (heh... heh.) I'm very confident I'll finish this. Chapters are pretty short and the plot is simple so I probs can do this. Idk how many chapters this takes, depends on where this will end.
> 
> Anyhow, I have only seen the 2011 anime but I haven't read much of the manga yet, so anime is the canon I use. Unlike in the canon, I treat Nanika and Alluka as completely separate individuals, living in the same body but having different personalities and different Nen abilities. In canon, Alluka is a Specialist, Nanika literally being her only Nen ability. Also, in manga Killua was 11 when he took the Hunter's exam, but in anime he was twelve, and I'm going with the anime age. Shounen manga super children confuse me lol.
> 
> This fic takes place three-ish years after the anime ends. The story is gonna be very Alluka and Nanika centric.

Nanika was bored and lonely. Killua played with her lots, but lately she had felt yearning to meet other people as well, to play some other games. Alluka wasn’t that fun to talk with either, all she ever did was complain.

 _So why don’t you just ask Killua if you can go see Palm and others alone this time,_ Nanika snapped at her after one of her lengthy rants. _Killua will understand!_

 _No he won’t!_ Alluka said. _He’s just gonna say we’re in danger, that he needs to hide us and protect us,_ Alluka’s thoughts were dripping with venom at the word ’protect’, _like he doesn’t even realize I’m almost fourteen and I can take care of both us! It’s like, I can never do anything by myself._

Nanika sighed. _So what do we do then?_

 _I’m gonna show him,_ Alluka said with cold resolution. Nanika wanted to ask what she was planning, but she knew Alluka wouldn’t tell her. Alluka never told her anything that was important.

  


”You want to _what_ , Alluka?” Killua almost shouted.

Alluka folded her arms. ”I’m gonna take the Hunter’s exam this year and you can’t stop me.”

”Do you even realize… Alluka you could die! Nevermind the exam, just going to the exam site, Illumi will find you… or Hisoka… It’s impossible. I won’t let you.” Killua pursed his lips. ”You’re too young and inexperienced!”

Alluka let out a bitter laugh. ”You were just twelve when you took the exam the first time! And who’s fault is it that I’m inexperienced, huh? You never let me do _anything_ it’s just always stay back and hide! Well I know Nen, both me and Nanika do, unlike _someone_ who took the exam at _twelve years old_ and even you can’t find me when I use my In.”

Hiding was the reason Killua had taught them in the first place, and In was the only advanced technique Alluka was really, really good at. Nanika would have probably been able to do a lot of things, but Killua had been reluctant to teach her, and Nanika had agreed. She was a sweet little thing, and terrified of her own power.

”Maybe I can’t find you, but someone else might!” Killua shouted. ”I won’t allow it.”

”Well, catch me if you can!” Alluka shouted back and took her still unpacked backpack, and ran, covering herself with her aura. They had just arrived to the hotel in Yorknew city, and it the huge city was the ideal place to run and hide. She took the stairs instead of the lift and hurried to the streets, her brother’s shouts ringing in her ears.

 _We’re free!_ Alluka said triumphantly to Nanika. _I’m gonna take care of you, now._

_’Kay._

Nanika fell silent. _Killua was really angry at us_ , she said quietly after a while.

 _Onii-chan can go to hell_ , Alluka said, ignoring the guilty thoughts coming from Nanika. _Besides, we can apologize after I’ve become a Pro Hunter and shown him I don’t need to be babied anymore._

 _When we have become Hunters_ , Nanika corrected.

_Yeah, both of us._

 

Alluka and Nanika took the airship to Azian continent early in the morning after hiding all night in an empty building in the outskirts of the city. Neither of them had slept. Alluka almost regretted her decision to run away after the ship took flight, and all she could see from the window was the endless ocean. Nanika’s _I bet Killua is lonely without us_ didn’t really help.

 _It’s his fault for never letting me do what I want,_ Alluka thought back angrily. _I had no choice._

Nanika didn’t answer. She seemed to be scared, but she always was whenever something new happened. Alluka would show her it was okay to be independent.

Alluka had to try really not to think about how worried Killua would be. She had been afraid of meeting Killua in the airport, but not even her brother was good enough Hunter to guess exactly which ship they would take. Maybe her brother was already at the exam site, waiting for them. It would be so embarrassing, having her brother take her away in front of all the other candidates! Alluka shuddered. With her brother constantly babysitting her, no-one would ever take her seriously.

Alluka was hungry, but she didn’t have enough money on her to afford the expensive food on the airship. She had bought nuts and dried fruit for the journey, as well as some bread. She munched the nuts slowly, hoping they’d last her the twenty hours it would take until they landed on Irkukut. She remembered Kite telling her once that you could buy almost anything in there for only a few jennies, that the country of Ulan Ulan was dirt poor. She hoped it was still true.

Alluka got up and went to her cabin. She might as well sleep: if there were any enemies on board, they would make their move after the ship had landed, or would have done something before it took off. Nobody would be reckless enough to start a fight while they were flying over the sea.

  


Killua had realized immediately that it was impossible to look for Alluka and Nanika in Yorknew, and that because they could choose either of the two airports and any of the flights going in the general direction of Ulan Ulan, it was pointless to go and wait for them in the airport. The best course was to fly straight to the city that was near where the exam was supposed to start, to Nebesa, capital of Ulan Ulan. He would wait for them there.

Killua cursed himself for letting Alluka leave on her own: this had definitely been her idea, not Nanika’s. Alluka was still just a little girl, and too naive for her own good. It was like she didn’t realize that two of the world’s most dangerous criminals were searching for her and Nanika, as well as the rest of their family whose abilities far surpassed those of Alluka’s. Killua should have taken better care of them, he shouldn’t have let their relationship get so tense. He should have been a better brother.

The truth was, as sweet child as Alluka had been, as a teenager she was totally impossible. She ran from Killua every chance she got, just to let him find her in a some random cafe after hours of searching, sipping hot chocolate with and innocent look on her face. No destination he picked ever satisfied her, she always wanted to go somewhere where it was dangerous, or some place that was way too crowded in Killua’s opinion. That’s why, after a long fight, Killua had agreed to take her to Yorknew, even though he would spend their entire stay there worried sick. ”I just want to see the skyscrapers!” Alluka had proclaimed and when she had decided something, nothing could change her mind. Sometimes Killua hoped that Nanika would be in control more often: she usually agreed with Killua about safety and sometimes, when Alluka was asleep, apologized for their shenanigans.

In hindsight, Killua should have seen this coming.

Killua arrived to the hotel which was exactly as crappy as one would expect to find in Nebesa, and got a room with a leaky roof and no running water. The best room of the hotel, apparently. Killua picked his phone and chose Kurapika’s number.

After an agonizing long wait, Kurapika picked up.

”Hi, Killua! I’m kind of in a hurry here,” he said.

”Yeah, I know you must be busy so I’ll try to make it quick. Is there a way of stopping someone from taking the Hunter’s exam?” Killua asked.

”Huh? Why would you want to do that?”

Killua sighed. ”Look, it’s my sister, she run away and…”

”Alluka run away and you can’t find her? She must be pretty good, then,” Kurapika mused.

”Well, yeah, her In is great and she has been hiding for most of her life so of course she’s good at it. But just, listen—”

Kurapika interrupted him. ”So she wants to take the exam? I think it’s a good idea.”

” _A good idea?_ ” Killua asked incredulously. ”Do you have any idea of the danger she’s in?”

”As a Hunter, she could protect herself,” Kurapika reasoned. ”And she’s really strong willed—”

”Tell me about it.”

”…and if she’s good enough to hide from you, she has good chances of passing.”

Killua pulled his hair. ”But what if she isn’t hiding, what if Illumi already found her and she’s being whisked off to Kukuroo mountain as we speak?”

Kurapika sighed. ”The chances are pretty low. There are more than ten Blacklist Hunters after him, and for all we know he’s in hiding. Whole Ulan Ulan is swarming with Hunters now because of the exam, so there is no way Illumi could show up here. Not if he wants to keep his head.”

”So you think she’s gonna be okay?” Killua asked, hating how young his voice sounded.

”Yes,” Kurapika said. ”I can notify you when she arrives to the exam site, so you don’t have to worry. And besides, Gon is going to be one of the examiners this year, so I think Alluka will be more than safe…”

Killua tried to hide his shock. Not this, too.

”He misses you, you know. Not that he’d ever say anything but… call him sometime?”

”Yeah, I will,” Killua lied. ”Thanks, Kurapika.”

”No problem. Take care!”

”You too, and good luck with the exam!”

As Kurapika as the part of the exam committee and Gon as one of the examiners, surely Killua had nothing to worry about. As long as Alluka and Nanika reached the exam site, and made it alive out of it. He could almost hear Alluka saying ”trust me a little, onii-chan!”

Well, Killua had no other options than trusting his sisters. They were Zoldycks, after all.


	2. Irkukut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should also note that Nanika only looks different when she's in her wish granting mode, otherwise you can't tell the difference. This is actually canon: Killua can tell it's Nanika when she calls him "Killua" instead of "Onii-chan"
> 
> Anyway decided to post this already since I've been writing all day and I'm almost done with chapt 4. Enjoy!

It was afternoon of the local time when Alluka and Nanika arrived to Irkukut. Alluka held a knife in her hand inside of her pocket, even though she was sure Killua would say that knives were no use against the enemies after them. Alluka was ready to run as soon as she was out of the airship, but there was no-one suspicious so didn’t. She walked with fake calmness outside and hurried towards the first small alley she could see and hid herself with her aura as soon as she was out of sight passengers. So far, nobody seemed to be following them.

 _Can I come out?_ Nanika asked. _My In pretty good, too, and I can use En._

 _Yeah, just be careful_ Alluka said. _When did you learn En?_

_I guess I just always knew how to do it. It’s so easy, you just focus like this and… you see?_

Alluka didn’t, but it was nothing new. Nanika had known how to use Nen since their birth probably, but Alluka had had to learn it the hard way. Nanika had tried to help her, but explaining how she did what she did wasn’t her forte. Alluka was usually more confused afterwards.

_Killua used it a lot so I got used to how it felt, and I tried it a couple of times when you were asleep._

_Wait, but won’t onii-chan recognize your En? And others? Just… don’t use it, use your ears and eyes instead._

_’Kay. I guess I didn’t think about it really well._ Something in the way Nanika said it was odd.

 _Or maybe you actually want onii-chan to find us?_ Alluka asked.

Nanika didn’t answer.

She led them through small streets to a restaurant: _I can use my nose too, Alluka!_ And Alluka was more than happy to accept her choice. To be on the safe side, she took over before they actually had to talk to anyone – ordering food was most definitely making requests, and that could lead to a catastrophe.

Kite had been right: food was really cheap. Alluka ordered pretty much the whole menu: beetroot soup, dumplings filled with meat, black bread, buckwheat porridge, sausages, pickled cucumbers, pancakes with jam, cranberry juice.

”Eating for two or something?” The waitress asked with a sarcastic tone. Alluka’s eyes widened – how could she know? And then she let out a relieved laugh, understanding what the waitress was implying.

”No, I’m just really hungry, that’s all.”

Truth is, Alluka couldn’t get pregnant, but nobody could tell just by looking at her, at least when she was wearing her skirts. She had Leorio to thank for that. She had been on hormone blockers for a year before starting actual hormone therapy, making her brother first joke and then complain that she was the worst teenager ever. Alluka couldn’t have been happier, the thought of growing a beard and getting her voice became low had disgusted her in a way that was hard to describe. She wondered if the rest of the Zoldycks would even recognize her, but she was probably hoping in vain. They knew she was a girl even though they had never admitted it, so they must have expected something like this.

Nanika and Alluka took turns tasting the strange foods of Ulan Ulan. Nanika was like a child in a lot of ways, and her taste was definitely childlike: she accepted the porridge and sausages and loved the pancakes, leaving the rest to Alluka, who was so hungry she could have eaten bugs. The soup was thin, a small lump of sour cream as nothing more but a decoration, jam was sugar water spiked with something that might have been strawberries and dumplings had more potato than meat inside, but she finished it all in a record time.

Alluka tipped the waitress a bit more than she could afford and took her leave. Nanika was tired, so it was Alluka’s turn to explore the city.

It was cold, the streets covered with a thick layer of snow and sun was setting even though it was just late afternoon. For once, Alluka was grateful of her brother’s protective quirks: he had insisted her to get warmer boots, gloves and a woolen scarf for Yorknew visit even though it was hardly a winter there. Alluka could warm herself with her aura a bit, but that took a lot of effort. Besides, it was better if nobody realized she was a Nen user.

The city looked exactly as impoverished and dirty as one would expect from a country that had just survived a war that lasted more than a decade. Houses leaned drunk-looking on each other and although the center was built on stone and concrete, rest of the city was built on wood. Buildings were painted with bright colors, but the paint was peeling off everywhere. There were huge factories at the edge of the city, chimneys pushing black smoke towards the darkening skies. The air smelled bad and Alluka wondered what was produced there. There weren’t many cars, most people were moving by foot or on horses. Only the main streets were cleared of snow, so one couldn’t even drive in most places.

People were wearing clothes that looked like they had been brightly colored once, but had turned into gray and brown. There were lots of old women and children around, grandmothers shoveling snow and carrying shopping bags, kids throwing snow at each other, screaming with joy. Maybe all the adults were working in the factories, or maybe they had perished during the war, Alluka didn’t know.

All the streets seemed to lead towards the railway station, that looked like it had been a beautiful building once. Inside, Alluka learned that there were two trains leaving each day: one to Nebesa in the morning and one to Novgrad in the evening. She purchased a ticket to Nebesa, to a train leaving next morning.

”You’re the last one we are selling the ticket to, the train is almost full,” the station worker said. ”You should be here early to find a place to sit.”

”Thank you very much!” Alluka said brightly. It was expected, the exam was about to start in three days and the only ways to get to Nebesa during the winter was train, airship or dog sleigh if you were reckless enough. All the roads were blocked with snow and ice.  
  
Alluka wandered aimlessly through the city, looking for a hotel. The place didn’t seem to be very tourist friendly, because it was nearly impossible to find one. Maybe there was no reason for anyone to come to Irkukut ever.   
  
She passed by a marketplace. Most of the stalls were already closing up, but one, selling fur hats and gloves was still open. Alluka went to take a look: maybe she could buy a hat, they looked warm and inviting.   
  
“Hello there, young lady!” the vendor said. He was wearing a huge, luxurious looking fur coat. “You don’t seem to be from around here.”   
  
Alluka nodded. “No, just visiting.”   
  
“What brings you to Irkukut?”

Alluka considered this. “I’m on my way to Nebesa, but flight here was way cheaper.”

“Ooh, for the Hunter’s exam? It has been twenty years since it was last held here in Ulan Ulan.”  
  
“Maybe,” Alluka smiled at the guy. Something about his smile was a bit off-putting. His eyes roamed over Alluka’s body, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.   
  
“You seem to have fine taste in clothing. Let me show you something you might be interested in… I don’t usually keep the good stuff out, because the locals here can’t afford it… let’s see.” He was searching something from under the table.   
  
“Here! This hat is the finest one I have!” The vendor showed her something that was made of fur that was so white it seemed to be glowing. Alluka gasped.   
  
“It’s beautiful!” She reached to take the hat. The fur was warm in her hands, and soft like nothing she had touched before.   
  
_Feels strange_ , Nanika said. _I don’t think we should by it._ _  
_   
_It’s probably really expensive too_ , Alluka agreed. Nanika’s intuition was usually right.   
  
“What is it?” Alluka asked out loud.   
  
“It’s nerpa’s fur. It has magical properties: it keeps warm, dry and clean even in extreme conditions and it’s very hard to break.”   
  
“Is nerpa some kind of magical beast then?” Alluka asked.

“Yes, it is,” she heard a voice behind her. “And an endangered one at that. I’m arresting you for poaching.”  
  
A man stepped in front of Alluka, grabbing a hold of vendor’s hand. “Don’t you run away, Ivan Gregovich. This is the third time I’ve caught you and I know all your tricks.”   
  
Ivan Gregovich didn’t even try to run. “Hunting of nerpas is part of the traditional lifestyle here! A foreigner like you can’t just tell us what to do with our territory!” he complained.   
  
“Yes I can, and I will.” Handcuffs appeared out of nowhere and snapped around Ivan Gregovich’s wrists. The other guy turned to Alluka. “I’m Poacher Hunter Kim Lee, nice to meet you. I reckon you’re here for the Hunter’s exam?”   
  
“Y-yeah,” Alluka stammered. “I had no idea it was… I would never buy poached fur!”   
  
Kim Lee nodded. “You couldn’t have known. Nerpa’s are black seals, found only in Baikal lake and they are the kindest creatures I have ever met.”   
  
“Black?” Alluka asked. “But the fur is white.”   
  
“Yeah, their pups have white fur when they are born, to hide them from predators. They are born in winter, and they spend their first days on ice before they learn how to swim. The poachers kill the newborn babies hitting them on the head with hammer or axe… it’s really horrible.”

Alluka swallowed. “That’s so cruel…”  
  
“The pups can’t talk, but adults can. They used to be friendly with fishermen living by the lake... a nerpa will do almost anything for a belly rub. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to hurt them,” Kim Lee said. “They are the only ones who know the secret depths of the Baikal. Some say it’s bottomless. Nerpas can survive underwater for almost a day, but even they say there are depths they can’t reach.” Kim Lee scratched his head, looking at Alluka apologetically. “I’m sorry, I’m probably boring you. It’s just… I wish more people would know and appreciate what beautiful creatures they are.”   
  
“I do know they are beautiful, that’s why I like the fur so much,” Ivan Gregovich said.

“Shut up.” The handcuffs seemed to get tighter around the poacher’s wrists.  
  
“No, it’s really interesting,” Alluka said. “I had never even heard of them before.”

“Yeah, Ulan Ulan was closed during the war, so much of the wonders were forgotten by the rest of the world.”

Kim Lee looked more like a Hunter than any other Hunter Alluka had ever met. He was wearing clothes that were clearly designed for outdoor use: gray overalls, rubber boots that reached mid-thigh and a hood that covered most of his face as well. His cheeks were reddened by harsh winds of the tundra, and he had the same kind of steady gaze as Kurapika when he was being serious, which was most of the time.  
  
Alluka hadn’t given much thought on what kind of Hunter she’d become. She was sure she wouldn’t a Virus Hunter like Leorio, and Kurapika’s career, Blacklist Hunter, seemed quite scary. Alluka had the makings of becoming one, though: all she needed to do to find a couple of most wanted criminals of the world was go somewhere public and shout “I’m Alluka Zoldyck, catch me if you can!” but the problem was more what she would do once Illumi and Hisoka found her. A Poacher Hunter though… that was something to consider, definitely.

“Ah, looks like our ride is here,” Kim Lee said.  
  
A Jeep seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. It had the biggest wheels Alluka had ever seen, probably large enough to drive in the snow. Kim Lee ushered the poacher inside, and a woman, maybe another Hunter, took all of his merchandise as well.   
  
“Goodbye, and good luck with the exam!” Kim Lee said.   
  
“Good luck to you too!” Alluka called out. “And thanks.”

Now it was really dark, and streetlights were apparently an unknown concept to the people of Irkukut. Luckily there was a hotel sign on the other side of the now empty market place. Alluka hurried towards it, shivering. The temperature was dropping fast.

A small bell rang as Alluka opened the door. The lobby was dimly lit, and there was an old woman asleep behind the desk.  
  
Alluka cleared her throat, but the receptionist didn’t seemed to notice. She coughed loudly, with no reaction.   
  
“Excuse me. Sorry, hey, excuse me,” she said.

“What?” the receptionist answered with an annoyed voice, raising her head.

“Umm… I was wondering, do you have a free room for tonight?”  
  
The woman blinked slowly. “Let me check. For how many people?”   
  
“Just one,” Alluka said. “The cheapest one you have will do.”   
  
The receptionist tsked, shaking her head. “A young woman like you shouldn’t be travelling alone… room 34 is free. Do you want dinner or breakfast?”   
  
“Both, thank you,” Alluka said.   
  
Again she was astonished how cheap it was in Ulan Ulan. She paid for the room and the food and took the stairs to the third floor. It became apparent really fast why the room was so cheap: the wallpaper was old and yellow and some parts were torn off, the lamp was blinking and it was really cold. There was a bucket of cold water in the bathroom, probably for washing herself. The toilet was just a hole in the floor, with another bucket of water next to it.   
  
_I guess it could be worse,_ she said to Nanika.

 _At least we found a place to stay,_ she agreed. _It’s kind of exciting, just the two of us on an adventure!_

 _What did I tell you,_ Alluka said, smiling.

The dinner downstairs was fish, potato and fried cabbage, which Nanika found disgusting and Alluka delicious. With the time difference, Alluka shouldn’t have been tired yet but she hadn’t slept well in the airship, and since it was already too dark to go out she might as well go to bed.

Alluka wore all her clothes to the bed, since the blanket was very thin. She wished she had thought of bringing a sleeping bag, but there was no helping it now.

Nanika didn’t want to sleep yet, so she took over. Alluka could feel her En around them, stretching just for a few centimetres.  
  
_What are you doing?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Look._   
  
The bed was full of fleas. Nanika located the tiny animals as soon as they got inside her En and caught them with pinpoint accuracy, throwing them across the room. After a while, the fleas seemed to realize that it was dangerous to try and bite this human, and left the bed completely. To where, Alluka didn’t know.   
  
Both girls slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nerpas are actually real animals. Google them, they're super cute.
> 
> Also I kinda didn't realize that the exam is always in the same place: consider this one of the changes that were made to the system. I haven't yet decided how deeply I will address the changed nature of the exam, but it's kind of obvious that Hunter's Association doesn't want people like Hisoka or Illumi passing any more. It is unclear whether they're just trying different stuff out now, figuring out what will work and what won't.
> 
> So this is in a lot of ways like Gon's exam but some things will be different and I haven't decided yet if I will go deep into it or not.


	3. Alluka's Hatsu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my fav chapt so far. I love writing abt Nen abilities and I tried to make them as canonically belivable as possible but idk, drama wins over canon sry.
> 
> Also is this what happens when you write a fic without pairing? Should I add killugon to get readers? (actually maybe gonna anyway, it's kind of fucking obvious thing to have, but i didn't tag it cause I haven't decided yet & it would be just mentioning it so it's not worth tagging) Anyway I'm really super happy that you folks have joined me to follow Alluka's journey to Adulthood and Independence and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

The station was full of people an hour before the train’s arrival. Alluka had filled her backpack with food from the kiosk by the station: halva, nuts, bread and cheese. She was the one who always took care that Killua ate enough and slept at least every other night: left to his own devices he’d go on without food or sleep until he collapsed. Which, of course, was several days, but even he wasn’t completely immune to fatigue and hunger.

Alluka missed her brother. The truth was, he needed her as much as she needed him. She considered texting him, but decided against it. As long as her phone was off it was impossible to track, Killua had made sure of that, but text messages were easily located.

 _We could call him from the public phone,_ Nanika suggested.  
  
_Better not to. We’re okay, and he can take care of himself just fine._

_Do you think he’s gonna show up at the exam?_

Alluka thought about it. _Maybe. But other Hunters might stop him, it’s not like you can just go there to disturb._

_I miss him, but I don’t want him there, it would be so embarrassing!_

Alluka smiled. Nanika was finally showing some guts.  
  
_I’m sorry I didn’t ask you if you want to take the exam. I just took you away from onii-chan without thinking._

_I was kind of tired of always doing what he tells us. This is scary, but I also like being on our own._

It was strange that even after a lifetime of sharing a body with Nanika, Alluka still didn’t know what the other was thinking half of the time. They didn’t share all their thoughts, and lately Nanika seemed to be keeping more secrets, like training to use En or disagreeing with Killua. But maybe it was fair: Alluka hadn’t told Nanika that she had been planning to take the exam, carefully doing all the preparations when she was asleep.

Alluka loved Nanika, but she didn’t trust her. She hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe the reverse was also true.

There were no assigned seats on the train, so the crowd gathered to the gates long before it was supposed to arrive. Alluka was standing right in front of the gates, but nobody was pushing her, or even touching. Other people didn’t seem to realize she was even there.

 _That’s because you’re using your Hatsu as well,_ Nanika said.

 _What?_  
_  
You have been for awhile, when you use In. I thought you did it on purpose?_

Alluka considered it. It was true that her In was strong: she was almost invisible, or maybe invisible wasn’t the right word, it was more like people forgot she was there as soon as they had seen her. She usually hoped they would: she activated her In thinking: “don’t see me, forget I was ever here, turn the other way, go somewhere else.”

_I didn’t know you can accidentally just… do it?_

_I do it accidentally all the time,_ Nanika said.

_True, but you’re something else entirely._

_Not funny!_

Alluka spent the rest of the wait studying other people gathered at the station. Most of them were older than her, but majority didn’t look as strong as she had suspected. After leaving Kukuroo mountain, she had spent most of her time with Hunters, and this lot didn’t have the kind of alertness and self-confidence which she had gotten used to. Some looked nervous, a few were picking petty fights. Almost everyone had a weak aura. So, they were rookies, then. Alluka was sure most of them wouldn't even make it to the exam site.

Finally the train arrived and Alluka was naturally the first one to get in. She chose a seat next to a boy that looked barely old enough to take the exam. He was wearing some kind of white robe that reminded Alluka of martial arts. As soon as Alluka sat down, he turned to look out the window, making room without even realizing it. Alluka was first annoyed at his impoliteness, until she remembered to turn off her In. The boy jumped, turning to look at her with startled expression.  
  
“Oh! I didn’t notice you there,” he said.  
  
Alluka smiled sheepishly. “It’s okay. Most people don’t.”

The boy narrowed his eyes, looking at her. “Really? That’s… interesting.”

Alluka laughed nervously.  
  
This kid looked nothing like the people on the station. He had a steady gaze and almost comically serious look on his young face. His posture was good, suggesting that he had trained his body as well as his mind, and his aura was carefully hidden with Zetsu, in a manner that suggested that he knew exactly what he was doing.  
  
“Are you going to the Hunter’s exam?” Alluka asked.  
  
“Yeah. I guess you are too.” It wasn’t really a question.

Alluka nodded. “Is this your first time?” she asked.

“Yeah, I turned twelve this year. I wanna pass the first time though, I have been training a lot and it would embarrass my master if I failed. Are you here the first time as well?”  
  
“Yeah,” Alluka said. “I wanna pass too. I… I kind of ran away to take this exam and if I’m not strong enough to pass, then it kind of proves that I can’t take care of myself. So I need to pass, to show my brother.”  
  
The boy smiled. “I see. I’m Zushi, what’s your name?”  
  
“Malla,” Alluka said, giving the same name as was in the fake passport she had used to come to Ulan Ulan. They shook hands, and Alluka noted that Zushi had a strong and steady grip.

“So… judging by your name, you’re from Padokia?”  
  
The name was chosen for a reason. It was easy to guess from Alluka’s dialect where she was from. “Yeah, I am.”  
  
“I have a friend who is also from there! Killua, Killua Zoldyck! Oh, but I guess you all don’t know each other…”  
  
Alluka was trying not to show any emotion. “I do know him. Or I haven’t actually met him, but I know of him… Zoldycks are famous.”

“Yeah. He’s really strong. I haven’t met him in like… five years. He pretty much disappeared after that, but I think we’ll meet again when I‘ve become a Pro Hunter.”

“How did you meet him?” Alluka asked. Killua didn’t like to talk about what he had done after leaving home, which had made Alluka extremely curious.

“My master trained him and Gon Freecks, another friend of mine, after their Hunter’s exam, although Killua wasn’t a Hunter yet, then.”

Suddenly Alluka remembered. Killua had had a master called Wing, who had another student, a small child.  
  
“Gon Freecks is a Lost Hunter, right? I’ve heard of him, as well.”  
  
“Yeah, he’s really strong too. We have been training together a lot these last few years.”  
  
Alluka wondered if it had something to do with Gon losing his Nen. Killua never talked about Gon, but Alluka had heard other Hunters talking about him, and how he had to do careful Gehou training to get it back. He shouldn’t have been able to use it at all, but Alluka suspected it was Nanika’s doing that he hadn’t lost the ability completely, that he just had to re-learn it.

“It sounds like you are more than ready to take the exam, then,” Alluka said. “I’m not as experienced as you.”

“You must have had some training though… that was really something, the invisibility trick you did!”

Alluka blushed. “You really think so?”

“Yeah! Can you do it again?”

Alluka nodded. She activated her In again, focusing on thinking of being forgettable, unimportant, unnoticeable. She was a nobody and there was not a single person who would care if she just disappeared, so she did.

Zushi struggled to look at her direction, frowning and finally turning his head. Then, he activated his Gyo, looked at Alluka in the eye and smiled.  
  
“That’s so cool! I knew you were there but I couldn’t look at you. Then, I started to doubt if there was even anybody sitting beside me. A few more seconds and I would have completely forgotten you were there!”

“Really?” Alluka said. “I didn’t actually know how it affects, I just kind of do it.”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly invisibility that you do, isn’t it?”  
  
“No, more like… ‘don’t look at me’ kind of thing,” Alluka said.

“That’s like a super good Hunter skill. You can go anywhere without anyone noticing, or at least if they’re not using Gyo,” Zushi said. “How long can you keep it up?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Alluka said. “I haven’t reached the limit yet, but I have been doing it for a whole night once.”  
  
Zushi’s eyes widened. “You’re like, super strong! That must take like so much energy, doing it for even an hour, but you can keep it up a whole night!”

Alluka wasn’t used to be complimented on her strength. Nanika was the strong one, and she was merely average. Nothing compared to any of her brothers, nothing compared to Killua’s Hunter friends. All she ever did was hide and run.  
  
“I don’t know, that’s the only thing I can do, actually. I wouldn’t stand a chance in a real fight.”  
  
Zushi shook his head. “I think you’re being too modest. You should trust yourself more, if you wanna pass the exam.”  
  
“If you say so,” Alluka reluctantly agreed.  
  
“By the way, you should maybe stop, or people will start to think I’m talking to myself. But maybe you should turn it off more slowly this time, so that you won’t attract so much attention?”  
  
Alluka nodded. “Yeah, good idea. I’m not really used to this yet.”  
  
She closed her eyes, focusing. She tried to make people around her look the other way, slowly making her presence known. She imagined them seeing her from the corner of the eye, having known she was there all along but not caring. She opened her eyes, visualizing her aura being sucked inside her body to activate her Zetsu.  
  
“That was much nicer,” Zushi said. “It was very shocking when you just suddenly appeared next to me.”  
  
“I hadn’t really thought about it before, how to turn it off. But you’re right.”  
  
“Um… can I ask you a personal question?”

“Yeah, but I don’t promise to answer,” Alluka said, smiling.  
  
“Of course,” Zushi smiled back. “I was wondering, what’s your aura type?”  
  
Alluka was relieved it wasn’t something actually important. “I’m a Manipulator and…” she almost said that Nanika was a Specialist. What was going on with her, almost spilling her biggest secret? “And, yeah, I haven’t trained it much, yet,” she finished hurriedly.  
  
“I’m a Manipulator, too!” Zushi said. “So that explains why your Hatsu is like that… it’s not that you disappear, you just make people around you think you’re not there. I have never thought to even trying something like that.”  
  
“Yeah, well. I often hide from… people. And I don’t want to be a Manipulator, anyway,” Alluka said. “When I did the water divination test, I was hoping to be a Transmuter, like my brother, but I was not.”

“What’s wrong with being a Manipulator?” Zushi asked.  
  
Alluka bit her lip, thinking of Illumi and his Needle Men. “It’s kind of an evil skill to have, don’t you think? Being able to control other people at will… I don’t want that kind of power.”

“It’s not the power itself that’s evil, it’s how you use it, right?” Zushi said. “I mean, all power can be used to hurt others, Manipulating is no different, I think.”  
  
“Yeah, but–”

“And anyway, I’ve never thought I’m somehow evil, being a Manipulator!”  
  
“I apologize,” Alluka said. “I don’t think _you’re_ evil. But some Manipulators really are.”

Zushi hummed. “I know what you mean. But it’s not like we have to be like them. I haven’t trained to control other people, actually. I have learned to Manipulate other things, but I haven’t decided yet what my skill will be.”

“My brother doesn’t know much about Manipulation, so he hasn’t been able to teach me to use it. I haven’t even thought of Manipulating objects, even though it’s kind of… obvious, I guess?”  
  
“What you need, Malla-san, is a master!” Zushi exclaimed. “Your brother doesn’t sound too nice, telling you Manipulating is evil and stuff.”  
  
Alluka shook her head. “No, it wasn’t my brother who taught me that… I just know some really evil Manipulators. My brother has saved my life, more times than I can count and I really, really love him. I just wish he could see that I’m not a little girl anymore, that I can take care of myself.”

“So he’s just… a bit overprotective?” Zushi asked.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Alluka said, laughing. “He doesn’t let me out of his sight, like, ever.”

“I’m kind of jealous, though,” Zushi said, turning to look out the window. Around them it was only an endless, snowy tundra. Alluka’s eyes watered when she looked out, sun making the snow shine almost unbearably bright. “I never knew my parents, or any of my family. I don’t even know what my surname is.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Alluka said.

“My master, he takes care of me. But it’s not the same thing as having a family.”

“I don’t know,” Alluka mused. “My brother is the only one in my family who cares about me. The rest of them… well, I don’t really want to talk about it. But I can say that having a family is not the same thing as having people who love you.”

“Yeah,” Zushi said. “I mean, I don’t know what happened to my parents. Maybe they are alive somewhere and just don’t want me.”

Alluka didn’t how to respond. She could feel Nanika’s compassion, which was somehow deeper than hers. Nanika really seemed to understand how Zushi felt.

“Well, anyway, it’s useless to feel sorry for things I can do nothing about,” Zushi said, wiping the sad look from his face. “I think it’s time for lunch, do you want to share?”  
  
“Yeah! I bought food from Irkukut, I’ve never tasted sunflower seed halva before!”  
  
The discussion turned to lighter topics after that. They were trying to guess what the exam was going to be like, and how they would find their way there. Alluka felt a bit guilty for not telling Zushi who she really was, but she decided she’d tell him after the exam. Zushi seemed nice and honest, but Alluka knew better than trusting people when she first met them.


	4. The Bandits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, a plot appears
> 
> shit this is gonna be a long fic, and the chapters are getting longer too.

The sun was setting, but the train was nowhere near Nebesa yet. The conductor had said that if everything goes well they’d arrive to Nebesa in midnight.

 _And what if everything doesn't go well?_ Nanika had asked, as if Alluka would know any more than she did.

Suddenly the train stopped, almost knocking Alluka off her seat with the force. The lights blinked and turned off. The last rays of sunset were disappearing behind the horizon, leaving the inside of the train in dusk. Alluka activated her Hatsu immediately, heart beating fast. She hurriedly put on her winter clothes and grabbed a hold of her backpack, resting on the floor in front of her. A smallest sign of trouble and she’d run.

“You have been taken as hostages!” A clear voice rang from the door. “Not another move or we’ll shoot you all!”

Chaos ensured. The passengers were all more than ready fight. Everyone was shouting at the same time.  
  
A small boy, definitely no older than seven was running on the aisle. He was holding a Kalashnikov, shouting: “Be quiet! We don’t want to hurt you!”

“What do you want then,” Zushi asked.

“We want all your food!” the boy exclaimed, still waving the gun.

He and his companions looked like they definitely needed it. They were wearing so many layers of ragged clothing that it was impossible to say how thin they were, but all of them had sunken cheeks and shaggy hair sticking out from under their hats. Also, all of them were children, oldest ones still younger than her, youngest were not even Zushi’s age. Their leader was a fierce looking girl with a gun in both of her hands.

“We won’t be giving you anything, you dirty bastards!” a guy sitting across from Alluka said. Suddenly the boy fell, the gun going off, bullet hitting the roof of the train. Alluka noticed that there were other bullet holes in the roof as well, and she guessed there must have been more on the walls and chairs, hidden by the upholstery. So, this must be the trouble the conductor had talked about.

There was a pool of blood next to the boy, and Alluka realized that the man must have stabbed him.  
  
“We won’t go down without a fight! There is no way a bunch of kids can take on us!” he shouted, waving his bloody knife. The rest of the passengers replied with shouts of encouragement.

Alluka grabbed the boy, dragging him away from the aisle.

“Shouldn’t we try to negotiate first?” she heard Zushi asking, but nobody else seemed to be listening to him.

The fight broke out. Alluka was crouching over the boy, sheltering him with her body and her aura. The bullets never reached Zushi, he must have been blocking them with his Ken. Alluka tried to do the same but she wasn’t sure if she had succeeded or not, because as long as she had her Hatsu, nobody could aim at her. Still, a stray bullet could hit her all the same.

It was over as soon as it started. The passengers had disarmed the bandits, making them sit on the aisle with their hands tied. Alluka shuddered at the feeling of blood-lust coming from the guy who had stabbed the boy.

“Zushi-kun,” she whispered directly to his ear. “Can you hear me?”

Zushi nodded.

“We should help him.”

Together, they lifted the boy in Alluka’s lap. He still seemed to be conscious, but only barely.  
  
“I can use my Hatsu to stop the bleeding, but it will only help him for a couple of hours, at most,” Zushi said. He put his hands over the wound, closing his eyes. The bleeding stopped, but the boy still looked like he was in pain.

The girl-leader lifted her head.

“Someone must take Lyosha back to our village, or he’ll die! We have a shaman who can help him.”

She turned to look at the guy with the knife. “Please, mister! I swear, you can keep the rest of us as captives, but let someone take Lyosha.”

The guy shook his head. “There is no way we can trust you. For all I know, you might have allies hiding somewhere. None of you can go.”

The girl looked like she was about to cry.

“I will take him,” Zushi said. “She is right, the boy needs medical attention and we can’t wait until we reach Nebesa, and we don’t even know if the train will move tonight.”

“How can we know we can trust _you_ ,” the knife guy spat.

“You don’t,” Zushi said calmly. “But it’s not like you can stop me either,” he added, lifting his hand slowly and making a fist. The guy’s knife scrunched like paper and he dropped it, shocked.

“Let me pass,” Zushi demanded, getting up and lifting the boy to his his arms.

“Thank you, kind sir,” the girl said. “You just need to follow our ski tracks, it’s an hour away by skis and a bit longer walking.”  
  
Zushi nodded. “I’ll make sure to be there in time.”

He walked calmly past the other passengers, who stared at him, frightened. Alluka followed him closely, hidden by her aura.

It was almost completely dark outside, but the stars gave up some light so it was possible to see the ski tracks on the snow. The snow was knee-deep. Alluka turned off her Hatsu.  
  
“I’ll come with you,” she said. “We can take turns carrying him, so it will be faster.

“Yeah, I thought you would,” Zushi said.

He frowned, seemingly deeply in thought. “Actually, can you take him now? There is something I want to try.”

Alluka took the boy in her arms. He had fallen unconscious, but he seemed to be breathing steadily.

Zushi took a step, and then another but his feet weren’t sinking under the snow. “Come,” he said. “I can harden the snow so that we can walk on it.”  
  
Alluka stepped up. The snow really was as hard as ice.

“Cool!” she exclaimed. “How do you do that?”  
  
“Well, I’ve been training to Manipulate water, to make it hard enough to walk on and make waves and currents and stuff, but I have never tried to Manipulate snow, before. It’s a bit harder I think, because there is so much air in it.”

They started walking. “You have to keep close to me, I can only do this in a small area.”

“Okay,” Alluka said. “So that’s how you stopped the bleeding, since blood is kind of water too?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zushi agreed.

The train had been stopped with a huge pile of snow and ice. Behind that the tracks were broken: the bandits had used some kind of bomb to do that. The train would definitely not reach Nebesa before the exam started, and Alluka wasn’t even a little bit sorry. She was sure people who’d rather shoot some poor children than negotiate with them wouldn’t make good Hunters.

“How did you do that thing with the knife?” Alluka asked. “That was really something.”

“Oh, I was bluffing,” Zushi said. “I can only do it once, since I need both Emitter and Manipulator skills to do it. When I raised my hand, I shot my aura to the knife, and then controlled it with my Manipulation. But that’s really, really hard so I get tired soon.”

“It was a good bluff, though,” Alluka said.

“You did well too, shielding him. I didn’t know you can hide other people as well.”  
  
“This was the first time I tried it,” Alluka said.

“This time when you did it, I didn’t forget you,” Zushi said. “I think you can’t make people forget you if they know you, so even though I didn’t know where you were, I knew you must be somewhere.”

Alluka considered it. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I mean, my brother can’t find me when I do that, but it’s not like he forgets I exist, you know?”

“Yeah, makes sense,” Zushi agreed.

Alluka’s clothes were soaked with blood. The wind was harsh and cold, and she used a little energy to shield herself and the boy from it with her aura. The days when Killua had to carry her on his back were long past: she was now strong enough to walk the whole night if needed, and they were keeping a fast pace. The boy weighed almost nothing, he must have really needed the food they were trying to steal.

Alluka and Zushi walked in silence, snow crunching and rising wind howling loud enough to steal the words straight from their mouths, making it impossible to hear what the other was saying. There were mountains far away in the south, and they were heading slightly downhill, to west. Alluka tried to recall the maps she had seen: they were certainly going towards the Baikal lake. There was nothing in the north and only the railway tracks in the east. It was strange that there even was a village somewhere here.  
  
After maybe one and half hour Alluka finally saw smoke rising in the horizont. The village was still far, but at least now she knew they would reach it. She could still feel the boy’s heartbeat against her chest.

Zushi had been gaining speed, and they were practically jogging by the time the saw the village. It felt better to run now that it was so close.

They heard dogs barking. There was a few dozen huts, built close together, light in every window even though it was already late.

“We have a wounded person here! Is there anyone who can help?” Zushi called.

Doors opened, faces appeared to the windows. Someone hushed the dogs.  
  
“Who’s there?” someone called.

“It’s just two travellers. We have Alyosha with us, he’s hurt. We believe he’s from this village.”

Someone run from one of the houses, an old woman wearing long skirt and a black scarf on her head, shouting “Lyoshenka, Lyoshenka!” Alluka briefly wondered what it meant, until she realized it must have been a variation of the boy’s name.

“Give him to me,” the woman demanded. Alluka wordlessly handed the boy over.

“I was told here is a shaman who can help him,” Zushi said.

“Yes, come this way.”

They walked quietly across the village. There were a few trees planted in between the houses, stunted and crooked birches and junipers. The house of the shaman looked strange: trees surrounding it were covered with wind-chimes and charms, filling the air with tingling sound. Windows were covered with black curtains and the porch was filled with rubbish.

“Baba Olya! Are you awake?” the woman called.

“You need to tell her exactly what happened. Don’t lie, because she hates liars and she can always tell,” she instructed Zushi and Alluka under her breath.  
  
Alluka hoped the shaman wouldn’t care about her name.

The door opened with a creaking sound. There was almost no light coming from inside. Another old woman stood by the door. She must have been really tall when she was younger, but her back was bent so that she was almost doubled over. She had a cane in her hand.

“Is it you, Linachka? And who are these others?”

“They brought my Lyosha home, he’s hurt,” the woman answered.

“Well, bring him in, will you! And you,” she said, pointing at Alluka with her cane, ”Bring in some wood from backyard. And you,” pointing at Zushi, “fetch water from the river. The bucket is here somewhere.”

“Yes!” they said simultaneously.

Alluka went to the backyard, following a path in the snow. The wood was stored in a small shed, that also seemed to be a place for more random, broken items: a sleigh, spinning wheel and other things, purpose of which she couldn’t even begin to guess. She took as much wood as she could carry.

“You sure took your time,” Baba Olya said when she walked in. “Now, we need a big fire to warm him up and some warm water to wash his wounds.”  
  
“Yes,” Alluka said, turning to feed the cinders with the wood. The kettle had been already placed over the fireplace. Zushi was sitting on the floor.

The flames rose and Alluka could see a bit better. The cabin was small and messy. The walls were covered with flower-themed tapestries, and every single surface was covered with random stuff: dirty dishes, similar kind of charms that were hanging on the trees, piles of clothing and such. Lyosha was lying on the blanket on the floor and Baba Olya was hunched over him. Judging by her clouded eyes, she was blind.

“So, tell me what happened, from the beginning,” she demanded.

Alluka let Zushi do the explaining. He was brief but clear and he didn’t leave out any of the details of the fight. He even told about Alluka’s ability to shelter herself and Lyosha, as well what he had done. Alluka was relieved that Zushi had already told her name: now she wouldn’t have to lie, and hopefully the woman wouldn’t ask.

“So, I guess this means we won’t be getting to the exam, because it’s the day after tomorrow,” Zushi said in the end. “But that’s okay, there is always another one next year!”

“In that, you are mistaken,” the other woman said. Alluka and Zushi had learned that her name was Linachka only to the old Shaman but to others she was Alina Mikhailovna. “You see, we are the guides, and you two just passed the test. We’ll be more than happy to take you to the exam site.”

“This was _all_ a test?” Alluka asked incredulously.

The water was finally boiling. Alina Mikhailovna raised her hand, saying “wait a minute,” and began to mix hot water with cold, making it lukewarm.

“Do you want some tea?” she asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Alluka said, “but I thought this happens all the time, trains getting robbed!”

Alina Mikhailovna tsked. “You young people are so impatient. I’ll explain it all to you, but first, let us have tea and let Baba Olya tend to Lyosha’s wounds.”

For a second, Alluka had hoped that maybe, if it had all been fake, Lyosha wouldn’t have been injured for real. But that was impossible, of course.

Zushi and Alluka helped to move Lyosha closer to the fire and to take off his coat and shirts. He woke up, shivering.

“Hurts…” he said in a small voice.

“Hush, my sunshine,” Alina Mikhailovna said. “It’s okay, babushka is here, you’re going to be fine.” She pet the boy’s hair.

Baba Olya began washing the wound, chanting some tune in a strange language.

Alina Mikhailovna served them strong and sweet tea, black bread and some kind of dried fish.

“There are cookies in the cupboard,” Baba Olya said. “And some raisins as well.”  
  
“We don’t need anything!” Zushi quicly declined.

“You are my guests,” Baba Olya said. “Only a savage won’t feed a guest who comes hungry to their table. Take out the cheese as well, will you, Linachka.”

Alluka was hungry and she ate as much as she could without seeming greedy. The fish was salty and greasy, cheese strong and good and cookies were spiked with strange spices.

Suddenly Baba Olya’s chanting started to grow louder and louder. Alluka saw her hands lighting up with Nen until they were almost too bright to look at. Lyosha wailed, and then the light went out and Baba Olya stopped chanting.

“I have some herbs here somewhere for his fever,” she said. “And he should drink something, to make up for the lost blood.”  
  
Baba Olya started to search for the herbs and Alina Mikhailovna warmed broth from a leftover soup for the boy. He was sitting, wrapped in the blanket and now fully awake.

“He should stay here for the night,” Baba Olya said. “The damage has been repaired, but he still has fever. And there might be some spirits left, wanting to snatch his soul as he was so close to death and they now think he belongs to them.”

“Yes,” Alina Mikhailovna said. “You two can come to sleep in my house, and tomorrow I’ll tell you what you want to know. Is that okay?”

“Yes, thank you very much!” Zushi said, with Alluka nodding and mumbling her thanks.

“And you,” Baba Olya said, pointing at Alluka, “come to me tomorrow.”

They walked back to Alina Mikhailovna’s house and washed the blood from their clothes there, leaving them hanging by the fireplace. There were two extra beds in the house. The other was Lyosha’s, but Alluka wondered who was the third person living there. And what was it that Baba Olya wanted to talk to her about?  
  
_She knew about me. I could feel her looking straight at me_ , Nanika said.

 _She can’t look at you, she’s blind_.

Nanika laughed. _With her third eye, silly. The one that can see._   
  
Despite of all the thoughts bustling in her head, Alluka was so tired she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	5. The Hunters’ bargain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! And umm yeah this was actually gonna be one super long chapter but then I decided to cut it in half, so you get the rest very soon I think. Also the plot just keeps getting longer and longer and more and more detailed but I'm enjoying writing it so whatever, let this become a mega long fic. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Alluka woke up to the door being opened with a bang.

“Babushka! I’m home! How is Lyosha?”

Alluka forced her eyes open. It was the leader of the bandits from last night, the girl.

“He’s fine, he’s at Baba Olya’s,” Alina Mikhailovna said. “How did it go?”  
  
“Oh, the Hunters came in the morning and released us, and let me tell you the folks weren’t happy about it, at all. We got payed as they promised, and most headed to the town to buy food for a feast tonight! But I took most of the money to bring here, because we can’t spend it all now, right?”

“You did good, Ira. Now, come and have breakfast.” Alina Mikhailovna carried a kettle to the table and Alluka could smell the buckwheat porridge.

Ira took of her scarves and coat, revealing a split lip and nasty bruises all over her face.

“Oh, my sweet child, what happened to you?” Alina Mikhailovna asked, shocked.

Ira shrugged. “One of the guys beat me up. But I didn’t cry, and it didn’t hurt really. He was kind of pathetic, he just wanted to see me suffer because he was pissed.”

Alina Mikhailovna shook her head. “One day, you’re going to get really hurt. Here, put some salve on the bruises.”

The salve had a distinct aura around it, and Alluka could see Ira’s bruises healing and lip regaining its proper form as soon as she spread it.

 _Nen medicine?_ Nanika wondered.   
  
_Seems like it. I’ve never seen anything like that, though._

Alluka sat up, yawning. The house was only a one big room with beds next to the walls, fireplace in the middle and the kitchen behind it. The space was filled with the harsh morning light coming from the windows. The curtains were white lace and there were similar floral tapestries on the walls than in Baba Olya’s place.

Zushi came in, cold wind blowing with him from the door.

“Good morning!” he called, way more cheerfully than Alluka was feeling. She nodded and grunted a sort of greeting. Ira watched Alluka curiously, and Alina Mikhailovna busied herself with getting more mugs and plates from the cupboard.

Alluka put on her clothes, already fully dry and feeling warmer than the air in the room. She wondered if Zushi had used his Nen to dry them.

Alluka went to the outhouse to relieve herself. It was really bright outside: the sky was clear of clouds and there was only the snowy tundra around the village, no shadows anywhere. The wind was as harsh as it had been in the night. She could hear the wind chimes in Baba Olya’s yard, sounds of people around going about their businesses, dogs barking, and the glucking of the river that was not fully frozen even in this temperature. The ground was sloping slightly, probably towards the Baikal.

When Alluka stepped back inside her cheeks and hands started to warm immediately, tingling.

“Hi,” she greeted the others a bit awkwardly.

Alluka had still not grown used to being around strangers, especially without her brother there to introduce her. At Kukuroo mountain everybody had been either her family or butlers with whom she should speak formally. In outside world she never knew who was her ally and who was an enemy and she still hadn’t learned how to treat other people as her equals. The members of her family were always her superiors, even Kalluto who was younger than her, and butlers had been more guards than servants, loyal to her parents but not to her. And Killua had always been more like a parent than a friend, and so Killua’s friends were unreachable to Alluka, part of a world she was too childish to enter.

And now she was here, alone with these people who didn’t know she was the hidden embarrassment of the Zoldyck family nor that she was just Killua’s little sister, a child he tried to protect. To them she was Malla, a girl about to become a Hunter, nothing more and nothing less.

“Come, have breakfast with us,” Alina Mikhailovna said.

“Thank you.” Alluka sat down, and Alina Mikhailovna served her a bowl of porridge and a cup of tea. She would have preferred coffee, but maybe it wasn’t popular in these parts of the world.

Alluka could feel Ira’s stare, but she didn’t dare to meet the girl’s eyes. She focused on eating instead.

“I don’t remember seeing you yesterday,” Ira said finally. “How did you come here?”

“She was with me, she carried Lyosha here,” Zushi answered before Alluka could even think about what to say. Ira was still frowning.

“Yeah but… I really don’t remember you,” she spoke directly to Alluka.

Alluka shrugged. “There were many people on the train, and it was kind of a chaos.”

“I’m sure I would remember if you were there,” Ira said. Then, to Alluka’s surprise, she blushed. “I… I mean there weren’t many kids around, you know?”

“I was there, just hiding,” Alluka said, deciding it was easier to just let go of her secret, at least this one. Alina Mikhailovna already knew, as did Baba Olya and Zushi, so it wasn’t much of a secret anymore anyway.

“I’ll show you,” Alluka said. She focused, imagining again being small and insignificant, almost hearing her mother speaking under her breath _I wish I never had given a birth to such a child_ , and Killua’s voice _keep hidden, don’t show yourself, don’t make a sound_ , and so she disappeared, just like everybody wanted her to. Nobody would see her, nobody would even remember her and she was no-one’s problem anymore.

The effect was immediate. Everyone turned away and started chatting about the food.

“This porridge is really good! I have never tasted buckwheat before,” Zushi said.

“Yes, it’s the only grain we have managed to grow here, others we have to buy,” Alina Mikhailovna explained.

Ira hummed in agreement. “After you have eaten it for years, there is nothing you’d like more than some white bread… or cakes made of anything but buckwheat. I’m so sick of eating this all day every day.” Then she visibly brightened “But tonight we feast! I’m sure they bring some wheat flour, and maybe even ready-made cakes from the town!”  
  
Zushi smiled back at her. “So, you made some kind of agreement with the Hunters?”

“Yeah, when they decided to hold the Exam here, they started to look for guides. They told us that they are usually magical beasts, but most fled this place during the war and haven’t come back… I mean there are some Protectors of forest down south still left but none of them here of course, and Rusalka in the streams and lakes but you can’t trust them. And the Icebirds have returned to the mountains, so some of them must have been asked, as well.”

“Rusalka I have heard of, but what are Icebirds?” Zushi asked.  
  
Alluka could feel Nanika sharing her curiosity. It was Alina Mikhailovna who answered: “They’re very large birds with women’s faces. They have beautiful, loud voice and when they sing you forget everything, all your hopes and dreams. But it’s not an agony you feel, but calm and bliss. You feel complete. They are not malicious beings, and the when their magic wears off you often know yourself better, what is really important and what is trivial. I met them once, when I was just a girl.” She had a dreamy look on her face. “When I heard they had returned I wished to travel to the mountains again, but I fear I’m too old to make it.”

Inside Alluka, Nanika sighed deeply. Alluka was faced with the sudden realisation that she didn’t know what Nanika’s hopes and dreams were. She thought she knew some things and guessed others, but she had never dared to ask directly. Nanika’s wishes were dangerous, in more ways than one. What if she really wanted something and decided to come out and take it? Could Alluka hold her back, and would she have the heart to do so? For so long, Nanika had lived in darkness, unknown to anyone but Alluka and Killua, never allowed outside to see the sunshine and feel the wind, except through Alluka’s senses, like spying through a keyhole. Much like Alluka had been confined to her room full of toys, Nanika was still hidden in the back of Alluka’s mind, allowed to come out only when they were alone.

 _Would you like to go look for them, after the Exam?_ Alluka asked Nanika.

_With them, I wouldn’t want anything. I’d like to talk to someone without being afraid of the itching. Maybe they can take it away forever._

Of course. It was as much Nanika’s decision as her own to remain hidden.

 _Maybe they could_ , Alluka said, even though she doubted it. Their magic would wear off, as Alina Mikhailovna had said.

While Alluka had talked with Nanika, the conversation had turned back into the topic of Hunters.

“So, anyway, we have been robbing the trains since… ever since the war ended I suppose. And it’s not exactly robbing, we have a right to gather a toll from people who enter our territory, right? So most people travelling here are prepared and have some cash or food for us, and we stop the train, collect whatever they have, then we all go our ways and nobody gets hurt,” Ira was speaking fast, maybe afraid that Zushi would judge them for what they did for living. “We really need the food, since all of our parents are gone, either dead or working somewhere in the capital or abroad, to earn money but what they send us is too little and we never know when they send it.”

Alluka really wanted to ask about the exploded train tracks. She took a breath to speak and then she remembered she had her Hatsu still covering her. She turned it off, not gently like last time but abruptly, slamming her presence back into their minds.

Ira yelped, Alina Mikhailovna jumped a bit and Zushi spilled his tea on the table. Then he smiled at Alluka.

“You’re getting stronger and stronger, I think. This time I really forgot you were here, and I don’t think I could have recalled you were with me yesterday, even if someone asked.” Alluka wondered if his way of instructing and encouraging her was something he had picked up from being raised by a master and not by his parents.

“Yeah, I only recently started to develop this. Aura is powered by emotions as well as strength and focus. So I started to think of… well I have some memories that I use, to make it stronger, to keep my focus,” Alluka explained.

Zushi frowned, and then a look of compassion took over his features. “I see,” he said. Alluka looked down, suddenly ashamed. She didn’t want him to pity her.

Alina Mikhailovna looked like she understood as well, and Alluka avoided her saddened gaze, turning instead to look at Ira. She had her mouth half open and eyes wide in admiration.

“I have never known that people can turn invisible!” she exclaimed. “It’s like you were never even there.”

Alluka felt a tiny smile tugging her lips. “It’s not that hard… you should see what my brother can do! He…” And then suddenly she remembered that Zushi knew her brother and doubtlessly also his special ability. “He is extremely strong,” she finished lamely. “And your shaman,” she added as an afterthought. “She has healing abilities unlike any I have seen.”

“Yeah, but she can’t turn invisible, like you can,” Ira insisted. “Can your brother turn invisible as well?”

“No,” Alluka said.

“So you can do something that he can’t, then,” Ira said.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t be so modest about it, Malla-san,” Zushi chimed in.

Alluka shook her head. She didn’t know where to look and what to say. Luckily she was interrupted by Ira.

“So, your name is Malla?” she inquired.

Alluka nodded.

“I’m Irina, but most people call me Ira,” she said, offering her hand over the table. Alluka took it. Ira’s grip was strong but her hand was cold.

“Nice to actually meet you, I guess,” Alluka said.

Ira giggled, although Alluka hadn’t said anything that funny. Nanika laughed as well.

 _What?_ Alluka asked.

_Nothing!_

Alina Mikhailovna wiped the spilled tea with a rag and refilled all their cups. Ira continued her story.

“So anyway, we don’t take every train that passes, so I guess Hunters weren’t aware of us, until one of them happened on a train we took. He was an odd fellow, kind of unkempt, with stubble and ragged clothes and messy hair sticking from his headwrap. He… he didn’t fight us exactly, but before we knew it we were disarmed and defeated, and he demanded us to take him to our village. We had no choice but to accept. There, we told him what we did and why, and that all the people in Ulan Ulan knew of this, and that two other villages were doing it as well. He seemed to find it interesting, and then he left without saying a word. A week later he returned with an offer to make a lot of money.”

“I didn’t trust him, at first,” Alina Mikhailovna admitted. “But he showed us his Hunter’s licence, and so we listened. He asked if we wanted to serve as guides. He said that we could decide ourselves who to take.” She shook her head. “Such a responsibility for the children!”

“Yeah, he said the trains would be full before the exam, and that some of the people there would be violent and reckless. He said he didn’t want people who would hurt children to take part in the exam, nor people who weren’t smart enough to bargain with us. You see, we place bombs on the railway tracks in front of the train, so that if we don’t get anything from the people inside, or if they hurt some of us, we set them off so that the train won’t be able to continue for several days.”

Alluka nodded. That explained how they were able to rob the trains even if they were just a bunch of kids.

“That’s… a really good test actually,” Zushi mused. “How well we read the situation, how fast we draw conclusions, and of course just random strangers picking up the ones they think have most promise, and kids at that. A lot of folks don’t respect people that are younger than them.”

“The Hunter seemed to find it amusing, I guess. But he was kind of strange anyway,” Ira said.

“It might have been amusing to him.” Alina Mikhailovna sounded angry. “Still, it was very dangerous, and he must have known this. Lyosha nearly…” her voice shook, and she was not able to finish the sentence.

“I told him not to come!” Ira exclaimed. “I said to him, you’re too young, they are stronger than us… but you can’t reason with him. Lyosha thinks he’s the man of the house.”

Alina Mikhailovna sighed. “That’s what your father told him. I wish…”

Ira covered her grandmother’s hand with her own. “It’s always dangerous, but we do what we must. And after this, we don’t have to do it anymore, at least not for a long time. And Lyosha can go to school and learn to read and write!”

Alina Mikhailovna smiled, but it was not a happy smile. “And what about you?”

Ira shook her head. “I’m too old to bother. I stay here with you,” she said

Zushi and Alluka exchanged glances. To think that there were a whole village of people who were illiterate! And Ira was so bright, and yet she thought she didn’t need schooling

“You’re not too old,” Zushi voiced both of their thoughts. “Things are going to change a lot now that Ulan Ulan is at peace again. You’ll get computers, mobile phones… you need to go to school, all of you. Otherwise you’ll be left behind.

Ira grunted. “I know what I can do and what I can’t, and I don’t need your advice.”

Zushi shrugged. “Just saying.

Ira’s mouth was a thin line of disapproval.

Alina Mikhailovna started to collect the empty dishes from the table.

“Ira, would you mind going with Malla to Baba Olya’s house, to ask if Lyosha is ready to come home? I believe Baba Olya asked Malla to come to her,” she said, looking at Alluka.

“Yes, she did,” Alluka agreed.

Ira’s annoyance vanished in an instance. “I’d be happy to,” she smiled.

“And Zushi can help me to start preparing for the feast,” Alina Mikhailovna added.  
  
“Ossu!” he said, making Alluka smile. The way he said it reminded her of how Killua sometimes talked to Bisky.

Alluka dreaded the meeting with the shaman, even though she couldn’t exactly say what was so frightening about it. She was surprised to realize that for once, Nanika didn’t share her worries.

 _She is strange, but so are we_ , Nanika said. _She doesn’t want to harm us._

Alluka didn’t ask how Nanika knew it. _Yeah, but if you’re right and she knows of you, then what?_ Alluka asked.

_I guess we’ll find out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckwheat is not actually a grain but whatever. Rusalka are kind of evil mermaids (they're not evil in every folklore but in some they are.) The birs with women's face appear all over slavic and nordic and greek folklore (at least, probably in other places as well) and there are a lot of different types. These are directly based on Alkonost.
> 
> I guess you can guess who the Hunter is who thought of this. I think this kind of test is very much his style.


	6. The Shadow Twin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I found Nanika's voice and I might rewrite the beginning, we'll see.
> 
> Anyway this was a hell of a chapter to write, but, enjoy.

Nanika was excited to meet the three-eyed shaman. It was the first time someone had seen her and not Alluka, and the invitation to come and talk was directed at her, she just knew it. Nanika had seen all sorts of folks, Hunters and Chimera Ants, but not a single one had been aware of her, and Gon was the only one she had been introduced to. Except, of course, her family knew of her powers, but only Killua knew that she was not just a side of Alluka but her own, separate person.

Nanika missed Killua, probably more than Alluka did. To Alluka, Killua’s control over their lives had been a nuisance, but to Nanika it was a relief. As much as Killua took care that no-one hurt his sisters, he simultaneously made sure that Nanika hurt nobody. Nanika wasn’t sure if she could trust Alluka to do the same, and she was convinced that she herself wasn’t able to control her power.

Nanika made herself aware of the information coming through their shared senses. They were walking besides Ira, in an awkward silence. Ira was stealing glances at Alluka, but she seemed to be unaware of the attention.

Nanika tried to guess how Ira saw Alluka. She was tall for her age, and beautiful, much like Illumi with her long, black hair and straight nose, but the curve of her eyebrows and shape of her lips reminded more of Killua, making her not so frightening. Her shyness could be interpreted as an air of mystery, and her Nen ability was something Ira clearly admired. There was all that, and of course the fact that to Ira Alluka was a hero who helped to save her little brother.

Nanika’s amusement puzzled Alluka, but she didn’t ask about it. To think that somebody saw Alluka as beautiful, mysterious and heroic when to Nanika she was just her grumpy sister who desperately wanted to be seen as a grown-up and usually embarrassed herself in the process was very funny.

 _What do you think of Ira?_ Nanika asked.

 _She’s cool_ , Alluka replied curtly.

Nanika studied Ira through Alluka’s gaze. She had light brown skin and flat nose and cheeks, almost doll-like features except for her eyebrows that were thick and straight. Her eyes were black and vibrant and for a brief moment her gaze met Alluka’s. Then, both girls turned away, and there was a telling heat on Alluka’s cheeks.

Oh.

 _She thinks you’re cool too_ , Nanika said in a teasing tone.

At first Alluka was speechless. _She doesn’t even know me_ , she finally said, and her thoughts were laced with hope and excitement as much as disbelief.

_True. I bet she wouldn’t think so if she knew how you still sleep with Mr. Honey Bear…_

_Shut up!_

Nanika laughed.

_Besides, I didn’t take him with me, so you’re wrong._

They had arrived to shaman’s house. It looked very different in the daylight: walls, window frames and the door were all painted in different, bright colors and where the paint was peeling Nanika could see that the layers below were of another color. The charms hanging on the trees were mostly made of colored glass and metal, sending dancing lights on the snow. She could feel Alluka’s uneasiness lifting: what was frightening in the dead of the night seemed intriguing in daylight.

Ira knocked the door.

“Come in,” a voice called from the inside.

They stepped into the dim room. Lyosha was sitting by the fire with a teacup in his hands.

Ira didn’t even take her coat off, just sprinted the couple of steps to her brother, slumping down the floor next to him and hugging him tightly.

“Ira, I’ll spill my tea!” he complained, but surrendered to her embrace. The siblings held each other quietly.

Alluka turned her head, and Nanika was faced with the shaman. She was brimming with power, her third eye staring at Nanika from the middle of her forehead. Nanika hadn’t realized that Alluka couldn’t see it.

 _Use your Gyo_ , she suggested.

Alluka did it, and gasped. Nanika wasn’t sure how she had seen the shaman before, but it must have been something different. The eye was red and alert, and her body, skinny, old and bended was also a vessel of an aura that was glowing from inside even now when she had it contained.

The shaman smiled. “Welcome,” she said.

Lyosha drank his tea, and Ira thanked the shaman and helped her brother with his coat and boots, even though he insisted he was fine and could do it himself.

Alluka smiled at Ira, saying: “See you later!” and Ira smiled shyly back.

The door closed, leaving the three of them in the dim room that was slightly too warm to be comfortable. Alluka took off her coat and scarf.

“Sit down wherever, child,” the Shaman instructed her. “Tea?” she offered.

Alluka opened her mouth, maybe to decline. She had already had two cups.

 _I’d like some_ , Nanika said.

“Yes, thank you,” Alluka said out loud.

They sat on a pillow on the floor. The shaman served them tea that smelled like mint and sat down on a rocking chair.

“You can come out now, shadow child,” the shaman said.

Nanika and Alluka shared their fear and astonishment. _I can’t_ , Nanika said.

_You sure? I know you want to._

“There is nothing to fear. I won’t hurt you,” the shaman said.

Nanika longed to talk with her, but she had started to second-guess herself out of it. She didn’t feel the itch now, but it might come over her any time, and then what? She tried to remember when was the last time she granted a wish… it was a good thing, a kid they had met a few months ago when running away from Killua. He had wanted that his dad stopped drinking, or so Nanika had understood it at the time. Simple enough to grant, just a few changes into his body and he wouldn’t be able to drink, and if he did he’d just puke everything out. Kind of healing, although Alluka had said that it probably didn’t solve the problem for real. And that the kid was probably just scared and wanted to go home with his dad who happened to be passed out on the street, and therefore had wished he was sober, but Nanika didn’t make the rules and a wish was a wish.

“It’s not about you hurting us, it’s what she might do,” Alluka said.

The shaman flashed a slightly unnerving smile. “Believe me, children, I’ve dealt with spirits far more old and experienced than you are, and a few extremely powerful ones. You can’t hurt me, even if you wanted to.”

 _Spirits?_ Alluka said to Nanika.

Nanika did the mental equivalent of shrugging.

“I bet you have never seen anything this powerful,” Alluka said. She sounded like she was almost bragging.

“Here, your powers won’t work. I casted a strong spell last night, one that subdues all kinds of spirits within my house.”

Nanika reached out with her _other_ sense, the one that let her know how human body worked, or where the airships flew over her head and how trees grew and waters flowed underground. Nothing, it was like she was blindfolded.

 _It’s true_ , she said. Then, taking over their shared body: “It’s true,” she said out loud.

The shaman nodded. Nanika took a sip of her tea, enjoying the sweetness.

“Am I a spirit?” she asked. “Mother says I came from somewhere else, that I’m not her child at all.”

“What do you think yourself?”

Nanika considered it. “I… I’m not like others, but I don’t feel like… that. Like a spirit, I don’t know how being a spirit is supposed to feel.”

The shaman hummed thoughtfully. “You’re a peculiar one. Usually, when I take spirits within my circle, they try to fight me. You didn’t even realize you stepped over the boundary and you seem so calm, almost relieved to be here. And you are not slow and dazed, like spirits become when they are here. But this definitely affects you, I can see it.”

Nanika spoke slowly, trying to word something she had never spoken about before. “It’s tiring, being aware of everything all the time, so I usually kind of… turn it off. But here I can’t see anything even if I try, and I like it, not having to focus on keeping myself contained.”

The shaman’s two unseeing eyes widened with a realisation. “Come here, I want to study your palms.”

Nanika lowered her teacup on the floor and stepped over to the shaman, offering both of her hands. Alluka was very still and silent inside her, listening and looking intently but guarding her thoughts from Nanika.

The shaman traced the lines of her palms with her crooked fingers. Nanika noted her swollen joints and yellowed nails. Her seeing eye was focused on Nanika’s face and she had an uncomfortable feeling of someone probing through her thoughts.

“I see. Your mother is right and wrong at the same time.” She shook her head. “I have never thought this possible, but here you are.” She released Nanika’s hands. Nanika stumbled backwards with the sudden release of her hands and mind, but managed to correct her balance. She sat back down on the pillow.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Do you know that sometimes twins become merged in the womb?”

Nanika shook her head.

“Sometimes, twins share their body. A child is born with two heads, or twins born, joined from the hip, or growing two torsos from the same hip, two spines and four hands.” The shaman paused. “Or, a child is born and later, a tumor is found, with pieces of another person, fingernails, bones, hair, just a small lump somewhere in his body.”

Nanika shuddered.

“Something like that must have happened to you and your sister, except that your bodies fully merged into one. Usually, the souls merge as well, becoming one with powers of two. But you remained separate, and that’s because your mother did something very foolish.”

An indescribable feeling flooded Nanika’s mind. Alluka was feeling something strongly, but Nanika couldn’t say what it was.

“She must have travelled to a sacred place and summoned a spirit, offering her unborn child as a vessel. She probably didn’t grasp what she was doing, and so one of you became part spirit, part human and another one remained fully as a human. But you’re not merely a vessel, but a human with spirit’s powers. Maybe that’s because the spirit doesn’t have a sense of self, because some spirits are just unbound power with no ego, or maybe it was a part of the spell your mother casted.”

Alluka was angry, but Nanika chose to ignore it. She was too astonished to feel much else, and then suddenly Alluka took over, clenching her fist.

“She just wanted power, to give a birth to a child who would be stronger than anyone. This is what they did to my brothers, to Killua. They don’t care how much we suffer or even if we die, we are just their tools,” she spoke through her anger. “She doesn’t care about us, to her Nanika is just a mistake, no, we _both_ are an experiment gone wrong.”

 _But we’re her children!_ Nanika exclaimed. _I am Killua’s sister, true sister and not just… something he takes care of because you and I share a body._

“What?” Alluka said out loud. “Of course he cares about you! He likes you more than he likes me, _you_ are his favourite sister.”

Nanika thought of the day when she had healed Gon, how Killua had asked her to never come out again.

 _You’re wrong. He loves you, that’s why he tolerates me._ Nanika felt the rejection again, as fresh as it had happened yesterday.

Alluka pushed her back into controlling their body and Nanika slumped forward, sobbing.

“Can… can you take it away?” she stammered.

The shaman shook her head. “It doesn't work that way,” she said. “You are as much a spirit as you are a human.”

Nanika knew the truth in her words. Her face had changed into the demon-mask like it did whenever she was feeling a strong emotion, or when her powers were awake.

“E-everyone would be happier if I were gone,” she sniffled. “Alluka wouldn't have to hide, mother would take her back. And… and all those people would be still alive!”

_It’s not your fault!_

Nanika shook her head forcefully, her hair flipping back and forth and the wooden pearls in her braids hitting her neck. “I’m so selfish! I should have done what he told me, go away and never come out again.”

She felt the shaman patting her head uncertainly. “There, there,” she mumbled. “Calm down, take some tea.”

Nanika obeyed, taking a sip from her cooled drink. The shaman returned to her seat.

“There are ways of controlling spirits, and ways of negotiating with them. Your power is not incomprehensible, it has rules and limitations.”

Nanika felt her face changing back. She snorted, her face covered in tears, snot and spit. “I know it has rules, but that makes it _worse_.”

 _There’s a handkerchief in the right pocket_ , Alluka said.

Nanika blew her nose. “I can grant any wish, if three of my wishes are granted first. But I often ask something really awful, and if I’m not obeyed, then sometimes a lot of people will die. And it’s not me who decides to make wishes… it’s this itch that comes from time to time until I can’t hold it in anymore, and then I must ask something that is an equally big sacrifice as the last wish I granted. So I can do almost anything, but then the next person will suffer the consequences.”

“Almost anything?” the shaman prompted.

“Well, there are things that nobody has asked yet, and some requests are too… vague, and I’m not always sure if I do what was asked. But for instance, nobody has asked me to bring someone back from dead, and nobody has asked to become immortal, and I don’t know I could do either of those, probably yes but I haven’t tried. And sometimes if people wish for things like love and happiness it’s really hard to fulfill, because they mean so much different things,” Nanika explained.

The shaman nodded. “When did you find out about your powers?”

Nanika shrugged. “I have been like this since I can remember. Killua, our brother, always knew I guess. And when mother found out, they did a lot of… experiments. To see how it works, but they don’t know what Killua knows, cause they don’t care about stuff like that.”

_Yeah, it’s not like they would ask you to heal someone. Not their style._

“Like, if I heal someone or repair something, then the next three wishes are nice. And Killua can ask anything of me and I can do it, if I’m not too tired. Wishes give me power, but for Killua I can do things sometimes even without them, but not endlessly,” Nanika continued.

 _I didn’t know that you can’t just… you know, do things_ , Alluka said.

 _It never came up._ Or actually, Alluka had never asked.

“I don’t understand,” the shaman said, more to herself than to Nanika.

Nanika smiled. “I love Killua, so I can make his wishes come true. He… he’s the only one besides Alluka who has ever seen me, and known me. He named me when we were little and he knows when it’s me and when it’s Alluka.”

“Ah,” the shaman said, nodding. “Naming is powerful magic, and the fact that you are part human must make feelings like love and trust an important factor in your power. Your name is quite fitting, though, I imagine he must have been very young?” The shaman smiled, amused.

“Yeah,” Nanika agreed. “But it’s my name and I like it.”

They sat in silence for awhile, Nanika slurping her tea and shaman rocking back and forth.

“I wanted to see what you are, and now I know,” the shaman said finally. “I don’t know if it’s good for you to go to the Exam: you should train to control your power and there are other mages who could help you with it, much better than I could. But it’s your decision.”

Alluka was completely silent, her presence almost disappearing. Nanika still knew what she wanted, what they both wanted.

“I’ll take the exam first and train later. We will never grow if we don’t go out into the world and try.”

Even as she said it, she wondered if it was the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for more gay undertones and sad family feels


End file.
